Empathy Is Understanding Their Journey

Introduction

Empathy Is Understanding Their Journey highlights that true empathy isn't about having lived the same experience as someone else, but rather about acknowledging and understanding their personal journey. Many people assume that to be empathetic, they need to have gone through the same events as someone else, but this is a misconception. Empathy is about meeting people where they are and validating their perspective, rather than comparing it to your own.

In this article, we’ll explore how empathy is more about understanding someone’s journey than trying to relate it to your own, and why this approach is essential for fostering connection and compassion.

Prerequisites

You'll resonate with this principle if you've had any of the following experiences:

• Couldn’t relate to someone’s situation but still wanted to help.
• Felt supported by people who didn’t fully understand what you were going through, but made the effort to listen.

True Empathy Doesn't Need Shared Experiences

Empathy often gets the false assumption you need to have lived through identical situations to be empathetic. In reality, empathy is not about having the same experience; it's about understanding and validating the emotions that come from that experience. We don’t need to know exactly what someone is going through to show compassion. Instead, we should meet them where they are emotionally.

Meeting People Where They Are

Empathy involves recognizing that each person’s journey is unique, shaped by their perspective, history, and challenges. We may share similar experiences, but our interpretations and emotional reactions can be very different. Acknowledging the other person's journey, without judgment, allows us to approach them with kindness and genuine understanding.

“I may not have gone through exactly what you're experiencing, but I recognize how difficult this must be for you. How are you feeling about it?”

Relating Makes It About Us

When we try to put ourselves in someone else’s shoes, we can unintentionally make the situation about us. This shifts the focus away from their emotions and towards our own. While relating to someone’s story can be powerful, the goal of empathy is to help others feel heard and understood for what they’re experiencing, not what we think they’re experiencing based on our perspective.

“Instead of thinking about a time when I’ve felt the same, I’ll focus on what they’re feeling right now.”

Empathizing From Your Own Perspective Can Hurt Instead Of Help

When we attempt to empathize based on our own experiences, it can lead to several issues:

1. Projecting Our Feelings Onto Them

Assuming that their feelings mirror our past emotions can distort our understanding of their experience. This can make the other person feel misunderstood, and lead us to offer advice that doesn’t align with their needs.

2. Invalidating Their Experience

Framing our empathy around our own experiences can unintentionally diminish the uniqueness of their journey. Even if two people have gone through similar events, they may process them in entirely different ways.

3. Blocking Genuine Support

By assuming we already know what they’re feeling, we miss opportunities for meaningful conversations that could help us better understand and support them. Asking open questions instead of making assumptions fosters deeper connection.

How to Practice Empathy

Here are some practical ways to apply this principle:

1. Ask Open-Ended Questions

Instead of assuming you understand their emotions, ask questions that encourage them to share more about their experience. Focus on their feelings and thoughts, rather than your assumptions.

“I havne't been in this situation before, but it sounds tough. Can you tell me how that made you feel?”

2. Practice Active Listening

Active listening means giving your full attention without interrupting or relating the experience to your own. This creates a space where the other person feels heard and validated.

“I’m here to listen to what you’re going through. Take your time, I just want to understand.”

3. Acknowledge, Don’t Assume

Rather than jumping to conclusions, acknowledge the emotions they're expressing and reflect them back. This shows that you’re engaged and willing to understand their perspective.

“It sounds like you’re feeling overwhelmed right now. I can see why this is difficult for you. What perspective do you think you're seeing the world from right now?”

Related Programs

This principle is especially important in Perspective 9: Empathy, where we focus on fully understanding others without the need to impose our own experiences onto them.

References and Further Reading

1. Understanding Empathy(opens in a new tab): A deeper dive into what true empathy means and how it differs from sympathy.